It wasn’t his time!

“I told you it wasn’t his time yet, mate!”

“You don’t get to decide that. I do. I am the Reaper.”

“And I am his goddamned Guardian, and I am telling you, you made a mistake. It wasn’t his fucking time.”

“Maybe you should’ve been paying better attention.”

“Jesus, what am I going to do now? This is the third one I’ve lost before his time in the past century. And don’t you smirk at me, you bastard son of a bitch. This is all your fault. ”

“Yes, yes it is. Help me with it, will you?”

“Him! Don’t call it an it for god’s sake.”

“Right.”

“You condescending piece of shit. You think you’re better than me, don’t you–hold him up, under the arm!– You think you’re better than the rest of us just because you get to cut the line. Oh whoopie do! Let me tell you something: that’s the easy part. Sure you gotta get creative with your methods so the boss doesn’t get bored. But I… I have to keep these  idiots alive. Do you know how hard that is? No. Of course you don’t, your job is to finish them off.  Well let me tell you–”

“As long as you keep holding it up. My car is just a couple blocks away.”

“Humans have no common sense. No survival instinct past what’s in front of them. Trying to teach them anything is like bashing your head against a fucking wall. Yeah, that’s what it’s like. They’re too goddamned hardheaded and just plain dumb. Jesus. Just look at this one. You know this wasn’t my fault, right?.”

“Can you just… just keep moving okay? I have to get him to the car.”

“I’m serious. He was going to let you kill him no matter what I did for him. And man, did I try to keep this asshole alive. Do you know that when he was seven, this dumb motherfucker  ran right into the middle street after a ball? He was seven! Dumbass. I should have let you take him right then and there with that minivan because let me tell you, my job only got harder and harder with this one.”

“It’s a wonder you don’t lose more before their time.”

“Nah man, it’s a wonder I keep these fuckers alive as long as I do. I bet that’s why the boss gives me the hard cases. Because I’m so damned excellent at my job.”

“Right.”

“What?”

“What, what?”

“You said that like, I don’t know, like you’re being sarcastic.”

“You don’t say.”

“I do say because I just said it.”

“Please, can we just get to the car? It’s a busy night for me.”

“No. We can’t just get to the car. We’re going to stand right here, and you’re going to tell me what your fucking problem is!”

“Hey, watch out for– oh, oooh!!!  That had to have hurt. Dang it, that’s the third one in the last past month.”

****

The inspiration for this short piece came from a quote I read on Pinterest, “Humans are oblivious to the fact that Reapers and Guardians are on a constant battle to kill and protect their human target respectively.”  I instantly heard the Guardian’s voice in my head, so I wanted to play with only dialogue.